Trapped

This piece is about me feeling trapped and not sure how to get out of the abusive relationship I was in. This is a picture of me. I had one of my students take several pictures of me in this position and then I chose the one that worked best for what I wanted to convey. I then added real chain wrapped around and a real lock holding all the chain together. This is the last piece I have for now, but I have several that I have in my head that I am trying to work out so I know which direction I will be going with them. I will post more pics as I finish and work on pieces.

my shoe is off because I hurt my foot and and was stuck in a boot for a LONG time, I did not want the boot in the pic.

I really love how this piece turned out! I love how all of these pieces have been turning out. They are from my soul and have been so healing going through this process and I have found so much piece while doing this and like a HUGE weight has been lifted. I am very thankful and grateful for a prof that was willing to see that I needed to do this and she told me when I was ready I would jump off this bridge and dive in head first and create some very meaningful pieces and that no words would be needed. I think I have done this so far. I have so many more to do and no where near finished but a great start in my healing through art!

Unfinished Silence

I started this piece and then got stuck, I wanted this piece to be about silence and having no way out. I started to lose the hands that are withering away to bones and added more black to make it stand out, then added a little more color. It doesn't feel quite finished and I am not sure where to go with it. I had a suggestion of maybe a memory or something in the black, but nothing has come to me.... as for now it sits until something strikes me. Feel free to make any comments or feedback, suggestions!

not sure where to go from here....................

Anxiety

From the box and my story piece came the Anxiety piece. I wanted to do something that represented all my anxiety and pain from all the abuse. Here is what I started with.. and how it ended up after talking with my prof Future and her telling me that I was holding back and not pushing myself like I should.
(Warning this could be a trigger)

I think the finished product is exactly what I needed to create and I am in love with this piece the more and more I look at it. Thank you Future for pushing me to my fullest potential and forcing me to dig deeper and go further in my art!

New Artwork

This past summer 2013, I went to Junction, TX for grad school. I took a class in Artist Bookmaking with prof Future. Boy did I get SOOOO much more out of this then how to make a book. We had a writer visit our class for the first week and man did she not only inspire us but pushed us to dig down deep and really write about something that was in our soul. I, for the first time, really wrote down my story and then read it aloud to my classmates. I have to admit this was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have told my story before but not like this and not with as many details as I shared. It seems like such a blur now, but incredibly healing. After reading this aloud, I tore up all everything I had written and glued them down to canvas. I then painted on top of the writings.

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this piece sat for quite a while before I added the words "My Story" and the chains. Once I started the next several pieces I came back to this one and added a few pieces of real chain like I have to all the others. 

While this piece was sitting I was also working on a box. A artist book. As I started this book I had an image in my head of what I wanted to create and how it would turn out. It was a pretty box, with a shamrock, for the day my son was born, March 17, 2008. As I thought I was finished I took it to Future who looked at it and pretty much said yea it's pretty but why don't you beat it up like you beat yourself up on the inside? Why don't you do to that box what you do to yourself? This took me by surprise. I have had teachers push me in the past before but more on technique or whatever. The way Future pushes me is to create from my soul, from my heart, from the pain and trauma I have been through. Below is the box that came from the beginning of how it was made through being pretty to how I treat myself on the inside. In the inside of the box, I have cards that are pretty and colorful to represent the good that comes from the bad. I write on the cards all the positive or funny things that have happened with me and my son and boyfriend, Nick. I want this to be something that is continued and ever changing and growing and being added to.