Weight Being Lifted

I think most women struggle with their weight, especially after having a child. I know I do constantly. With today's society focusing so much on beauty and skinny models, no room for imperfections and women with curves, it makes being a bigger woman harder. My whole life I have been told I need to be careful or I will gain too much weight. I have had too many people constantly throwing my weight in my face, telling me "I'm getting too big" or "I'm fat" as my body grew while carrying my son I had stretch marks form on my hips and breasts. My son's father would make horrible remarks about my body. All these comments have built up over the years, tearing me down, breaking my confidence, and making me feel so self conscious about my body. Over the past few years I have really struggled and put on some extra weight, now really struggling to lose it. I have lost it before but this time it has been much harder. As I look at myself in the mirror I no longer see the stretch marks as a negative thing, but as the beauty of carrying my wonderful little man. I also see I have curves and I am a thicker woman. As Nick tells me "I have someone who likes it" He has always made me feel comfortable in my body and love who I am no matter what size I am. He has never made me feel ashamed or embarrassed about my body, but has made me feel sexy and loved. I have learned the difference between someone who loves me verses the abuse I suffered through. I am so grateful to have someone that doesn't see all the flaws I see but loves me for me, no matter what I look like. Someone who pushes me when I want to lose this weight and is willing to work out with me, motivate me, and help me through the process. This pieces is letting go of the negative perception of my body, loving the body I am in and working towards the body that I am truly in love with, comfortable with and a body that I feel like a sexy woman in. 

Issues Basket

For my grad class this semester we looked at artists that turned baskets into art. We were challenged to create our own piece. I had never had dreams about my art before this series came about. Now many pieces have come to me in a dream, this being one of them. This piece is made with foil wrapped in plaster, spray painted black, added the chains and then bits of acrylic paint for the finishing touches. I love how it turned out. The black, darkness to is resembling the struggles and issues I deal with on a daily basis, that have slowly become less and less as they are released from me through my artwork, leaving hope, joy and love in it's place. The chains once again being broken but holding together all the ugliness that I have carried for so long. 

Love and Trust

Love and Trust is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I don't trust easily and when I do trust you, if that trust is broken it is a very long road to recover and build that trust back up. My heart has been broken too many times to count. My ex-husband left me for another woman, my "real" dad left my mom for my current step-mother, my son's father was/is emotionally and verbally abusive. So many broken promises, so much hurt and pain, so much negativity. When I met Nick, we were in the 8th grade. We went to high school together, hung out with the same crowd, but I had no interest in him. He joined the marines, I went to college, we both came home hung out at the same parties, with the same people we kept in touch with, but never together. In January 2010, I joined Facebook and he we became friends on there. I reached out to him and asked if he wanted to hang out, have a drink and we did. We were together pretty much most of the time. I fell for him fast, faster then I wanted. We both did. I still needed to work on myself and he wasn't ready for a built in family. In May, we took a break, saw other people for about 5 months. In November of 2010, he reached out to me and we have been together ever since. We had to build a relationship, we built trust in each other, we already loved each other but that love has grown so much, and over the past 4 years we have learned to live with each other, to communicate even when we are upset or angry which doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. He has helped me so much to heal from past relationships, working through the pain, the hurt, the negativity. He has shown me that he has way more patience than I do. He is willing to work things out, and is not quick to anger but stays very calm even when I am not. He has shown me how to be a very loving man and how much I mean to him. He has shown my son what it means to love someone even when they are not your blood. He is more of a father to my son than his own father is or ever will be. I can not be more grateful for what he has done for me and my son. He has broken those chains and built a life with me and my son, we have become a family. This is something I have always wanted. I can't wait for the day we are husband and wife, until it is official. I can't wait for the day that we find out we are having a baby and to watch him as he becomes a father to his own child and our family expands. I can't wait for the day we get the keys to our own home. There are so many things that I love about him and the life we are building together. The things I look forward to as we go through this journey of life together as partners as a couple, as parents, as a family.